Sunday, June 12, 2011

For Claire

We hung out with Kyle and Claire last night and Claire asked how long it was after we were married before I cried. It took me a while to think about when it was, but I think it was in our first apartment which would have been at least a month after we got married. You might think that thinking back about the first time I cried in our marriage would have been a negative thing, but it actually made me really grateful and brings me to my marriage advice.

1. Focus on the positive
2. Assume the best

When I thought about the answer to Claire's question I didn't automatically think "February 19th. Jon said this. Blah. Blah. Whatever." I do remember that Jon said something that was not meant to be hurtful, but I took it the wrong way and cried. I don't remember what he said and I'm glad I don't. I also remember standing in the hall with Jon being very sweet and holding me as I cried. Sometimes you just gotta cry it out and get it out of your system. Before I get upset about something that Jon has said I try to remember that he isn't ever going to do anything that will intentionally upset or hurt me. A lot of the time this works, but sometimes it doesn't. Try to always assume the best of your spouse and it will make things easier. Focus on the positive things in your relationship and remember those rather than the bad things. Also just because something makes you cry sometimes doesn't mean it is all bad. I cried the day we moved in to our new apartment because it was dirty and gross and I was very overwhelmed by the change, but I don't think of that every time I'm here. How you view something and what you choose to focus on can make a big difference.

That is not the most eloquent thing I have ever written and I could probably keep blabbing more random advice, but hopefully it articulates what I wanted to say. It is also early in the morning and I couldn't fall back to sleep after feeding Danny, so I'll just throw that disclaimer out there for if I said anything really weird or made crazy typos.


  1. Thank you for this! Finally, someone gives us solid advice. I've definitely found this all to be true; it's nice to hear that someone else agrees, too.

  2. I imagined you writing this in your prayer voice. So, what I mean is, I enjoyed it.

  3. So what she didn't say is that those two points of advice came from a book by Robert Millet that her dad likes to quote. (Wouldn't want you to be a plagiarist). Good advice and good application, Andrea.